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Mother had herself been a brilliant child mathematician and her downfall had devastated her parents who disowned her and cast her out as people often did back in the 'fifties. When I won a placed at the local grammer school my mother was delighted, seeing her own hopes of high achievment about to be fulfilled in me. I excelled in my studies especially the subjects already mentioned. The usual feelings of guilt helped me keep it secret and I wanked harmlessly enough until I got to be fifteen. It did not occurr to me that this was how I came to be borne.My studies suffered as I mooned over this boy, hardly able to think of calculus or quadratic equations. One saturday afternoon while my mother was at her cleaning job Ian and I sneaked into the house for a little hanky panky.In the morning I awoke much later than usual because of the mogadon and it took several minutes for my groggy mind to remember what was going to happen"Mum Oh mum I wailed softly "Please let it be a bad dream, please"But it wasn't. Mother called me to a breakfast of just toast."Now my girl the lady will be here at ten oclock.its after nine now, so I think you should go and have a good long bath.she uses anaesthetic like at the dentist" Mother said I promise you it won't hurt"She cuddled me for a few minutes then rose and went to make dinner.I managed to eat dinner but was very upset and apprehensive all evening so much so that mother gave me a dose of mogadon to put me to sleep.We can't risk you destroying your future in a reckless moment of lust"I could see the logic of it but I was, and still am still am very afraid of needles and things like that."Please don't let her do it" I wailed "I like the nice feelings I get. ""No I am determined in this I will have you made chaste, I refuse to risk your future because of sexual temptations" I turned and pushed my face into my pillow to soak up the tears that were welling in my eyes.Mother stroked my hair comfortingly"She won't hurt you, I wouldn't allow it.

The bed had been stripped and was now covered in a clean sheet. she walked up our path and I heard the doorbell ring with a sick feeling in my throat. Footsteps crossed the landing and then my door opened and in they came.

This particular day mother was sent home early because she had hurt her back.

She must have come indoors very quietly because we didn't hear her.

Mother smiled a thin smile and went to run my bath.

I meanwhile fretted and paced about in a tingling state of apprehension.

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